


Kocha

by Beauxangel



Category: Levi Ackerman - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Levi Ackerman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beauxangel/pseuds/Beauxangel
Summary: Hana is the daughter of Erwin Smith who is the royal advisor to queen Historia, she is to be married to Levi ackerman in an arranged marriage.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a weird dream I had , it is very weird at some parts. Im trying to write it down just to get it out of my system , I will put warnings at the beginning of some chapters. If you like reiner do not read this. I will only use character names and some traits from attack on titan so you have a picture of what they look like , but this will be set in a monarchy. Ages will also be changed.

This is the story of how an arranged marriage to a complete stranger changed my life, I should start at the beginning . My mother and I lived on the outskirts of Paradis, the ocean was my home. We lived modestly we never lacked for food or love my mother was beautiful and strong, we fished together, ate together, slept together. My life was bliss with my mother by my side, just the two of us. I never questioned the fact that almost all the other kids in our village had a father and I didnt, to me my mother was more than enough. She loved to laugh , her smile brightened any darkness. I knew that I would never be as beautiful as her, but I was told that my smile was similar to hers and that always brightened my day. 

For 6 years my mother was my everything, she gave me so much love that I never had a gloomy day. Until one day when she had cut her foot while we were out fishing, she limped for a few days her smile and cheeriness never leaving her. One day she wouldnt get up I placed a damp cloth on her forehead because she was too hot, she had done the same for me many times before. A few days passed like this, until one morning I thought her fever had finally broken she was cold to the touch. Foolish me kept trying to wake mother up by bringing her sea shells and talking to her non stop. My mothers only friend dropped by a few days after that, she went to my mothers side and placed her hand on her forehead. Then she took me to her house and gave me cookies. 

"I have to return to mother soon, she is sick Aunt Hange" I stuffed some cookies in the pocket of my dress, _mother loves cookies,_ I thought

"How long has she been sleeping?" Aunt Hange asked

 _"_ I dont know, but I need to go back"

"Hana" she said holding my hand from across the table "How would you feel about meeting your father?" she smiled at me, now that im older I see that she was smiling to put me at ease but there was pain behind her smile

"Mother says that I cant" I pouted

" its a long trip from here to where he lives, I know youre a strong girl . Would you like to go?"

"We have to ask mother first" i shook my head

she sighed heavily, tears started rolling down her face.

She then proceeded to cry and hold me for what seemed like hours

"I wish I could protect you , I wish I could keep you here" she said once she had calmed down "I made a promise to your mother and I have to keep it, you need to go to your father"

"lets take mother with us!" i chimed.

The next days that followed I will never forget, my mother was buried in our garden. I surrounded her small grave with sea shells and flowers. Aunt Hange had to explain to me more than once what happened, but all I know is that we were too poor to afford to travel to a doctor and her foot had gotten infected poisoning her. We made our long way to reach the insides of wall Sina, I had never seen such pretty things before. The dresses the women wore were so elegant , the men wore tall hats. My mother always told me bed time stories about this, I never realized that they were actually true.

We arrived at a huge building with gates taller than my old house. We were turned away day after day until Aunt had an idea, she said it would be a tiring day and it was. We waited all day next to that gate until a carriage arrived , when the carriage stopped waiting for the gates to open she jumped from out of the bush we were hiding in and opened the door dragging a man out of it and yelling at him. two other men quickly grabbed her and held her back but that didnt stop her from kicking and trying to bite them to get them off her. All I could make out from her yelling was my mothers name and mine, the man stood up and dusted the dirt off his clothes. 

"what are you saying, you crazy woman!" the man walked to where his men were struggling to keep a hold of her

"you have a daughter" she breathed out, her body quit struggling and she was taking deep breaths trying to calm down " her name is Hana, she is 6 years old and shes over there" she pointed with her chin to the where I was still hiding

the man turned around

"Its ok Hana you can come out, he wont hurt you"

Trusting her I got out of from our hiding spot and looked at the huge man standing in front of me, he was so tall he eclipsed the sun . he walked to me and crouched down to my level , he had perfectly combed blonde hair and big eyebrows. He stared at me, his gaze was intimidating.

"why should I believe you Hange?" he asked not taking his eyes off me

"does she not remind you of anyone?" 

"and? that doesnt mean she is mine" he arched an eyebrow

"I have a letter.... from her" 

He motioned with his hand and she was released, aunt hange took a paper from her pocket and handed it to him. He stood and started reading the letter, I had no idea what was in the letter until years later. When he was done he placed the letter in his pocket 

"what happened?" he asked

"she died a month ago, I was out of the village for a few weeks by the time I got back she had been dead for days and Hana had been with her the whole time" she walked to me and picked me up " I am just here to do her one and only wish, is it ok with you?"

"My wife died years ago, there wont be a problem" he said returning to his carriage " you can stay for a few days to get her used to her new environment, then you can leave" was all he said 

our first night there I was introduced to my half brother Reiner

"Who is this?" he asked during dinner

"her name is Hana , your sister. she will be living with us now" father said

"I dont have a sister" the blonde kid sneered at you

"You do now, dont cause any problems" he gave him a stern look

"yes father" the boy said meekly

Everything inside this house was big, the rooms, the tables, even the people. I lived in a world of giants

When aunt Hange left I was left alone in a huge bed by myself, I couldnt sleep. I wondered the halls late at night trying to find a small place to sleep, often sleeping in corners and being scolded or spanked by the nanny who watched over reiner and me.

"come" Reiner held out his hand to me while I cried on the floor after nanny slapped my hands for not using the right utensils to eat lunch, I held onto his hand so tightly it had been the first warm gesture I had received in the weeks since I had arrived.

"this is my room" he pointed to the room across from mine " You can sleep with me so you dont get in trouble anymore"

"I can?" you beamed at him

"yes , just dont think I like you because of this" he looked at the floor " nanny can hit pretty hard" was all he said

After that every night I would sneak over to his room to sleep, some days he would come to mine. His warmth reminded me of my mother, we soon became inseparable. We would often play pranks on nanny we ruined a pair of her shoes, Reiner took the blame and in her rage she slapped him so hard he lost his balance and banged his head on a table. I thought the bleeding would never stop. That night father came to me to ask what had happened , I didnt know what to say nanny would be mad if she found out I told father she always said we would double beatings if we told. Seeing Reiner get hurt so badly I took the small courage I had and told father everything. For the first time in the months I had been living here father hugged me and asked me to forgive him, He promised to try his best to be my friend so that he could earn my trust to tell him all of my worries.

Nanny sasha was hired a few days later and father kept an eye on her for the first few months , when father asked if she was good I didnt know what to say

"why cant you tell me yes or no Hana?" he insisted

I broke down in tears, holding onto him. He soothed me and said it was ok to tell him anything that he would protect me

"You will send her away" I sobbed

"its that bad?" he asked worried

I nodded

"please tell me" he took my face in both of his hands

after a few minutes of looking into my fathers eyes i finally told him

"She sneaks us candies and cakes when you say we cant have any after we have been bad, please father dont send her away" i started crying again

He laughed, I had never heard him laugh. he kissed my forehead

"is that all?" he asked a smile on his face

it confused me , that he wasnt angry

"y-yes" 

"well then I guess we need to keep a better eye on the desserts in this house" was all he said

This was the first steps into the great relationship I have with father and the great misery that Reiner went through.


	2. 2

As the years passed my father and I developed a better relationship, he was no longer a stranger with a stern face. It seems that I was the only person who would see him smile, even with reiner he still kept a solemn face. My father tried his best to always be home but it seemed that his responsibility were greater than just an advisor to the queen, he also seemed to be in charge of keeping an eye on the whole country. Always wondered what the point of having a queen was if my father did all the work. She was pretty and she had a lot of orphans that she raised on her own, her husband was always around my father he was in charge of the military but my father always had to check everything he did.

on a dinner at the palace I was sat next to a blonde man with a cheery smile, at this point I was no longer a shy kid

"why isnt he called king if hes married to a queen?" I asked the men next to me

"oh well because he wasnt born king, and marriage to a queen is not the same as him being born king" he said quietly

"that doesnt make sense" i whispered back

"youre right it doesnt" he laughed "but he is my friend so any problems you have with him I can let him know"

"You can tell him to not run to my father for every thing , I dont see father at home very much because he is always asking for his help"

this only made him laugh more

"I will pass on the message"

"dont tell him it was me" I whispered

"I dont even know who you are" he whispered back

"good"

Mr. Arlert still brings up his first conversation with me any chance he gets , embarrassing me. 

Reiner and me only grew closer, it was always only the two of us in a huge house. Nanny sasha was in her early twenties so it was easy for her to keep an eye on us, but we still managed to spend most of our days alone.

"Reiner will be going to a small school soon, for boys" father told us one day

"what shall I pack?" I asked eagerly

"he said for boys" reiner elbowed me

"well thats not fair, I wanna learn too" i chimed

"I will bring tutors for you at home and you have sasha, Reiner needs to be around boys his age he is turning 12" father said with a stern look, he never smiled in front of reiner even when i was present

"Well I am almost 10 , thats not a big deal" i pouted " How will we celebrate our birthdays if he is not here"

Since my arrival our birthdays were a month apart, we had been celebrating together. we had also been sleeping in the same bed , the thought of trying to sleep alone scared me. the day of his departure arrived soon after our joint birthday, I couldnt hold back the tears.

"If you cry I wont give you the gift I prepared for you" Reiner placed a hand on top of my head , calming me. We had spent so much time together that we knew each other so well.

"what is it?" I asked trying to put a smile on my face

"you can have this" he placed a small doll on my hands, it had yellow yarn for hair and brown button eyes "sasha helped me make it for you"

"its you!" i said delighted at the small doll with a crooked smile and the disproportionate body parts 

he was right, it did help me cope with the lonely nights waiting for his return. We only saw him during holidays , even his summers were filled with activities father prepared for him. We were hardly in the same house but we never grew apart, we wrote letters every week telling each other of what was going on in our lives. Mine were simple a small paragraph, his always looked like novels. I learned so much about his new friends that they felt like my friends too.

The years passed and we got used to our new normal, Father kept me busy learning to do all sorts of things even teaching me how to hunt, I guessed he was lonely of not having a boy around him. Reiners absence only made father and I closer, it made me sad every time we did something without him im sure he wouldve loved to spend time with father too.

On one of his letters he told me about the new thing taking over the all boys school, and he wanted to teach me when he came back for the holidays.

Days before he went back to school I looked for him everywhere only to find him face down in a bed of a guest room , he was crying. There were bandages on his back soaked with blood, I trembled trying to hold his hand. He hadn't noticed me entering and retracted his hand from mine as soon as I touched him.

"get out!!" he yelled at me

"why are you in here, ive looked for you everywhere" my voice shaking

"get out!!!" his voice echoing in the room, sending a shiver down my spine

"im sorry Reiner, I can apologize to father for you" i squeaked

"You will only make things worse ,get out!!!!" he bellowed

"but youre in pain" my voice barely a whisper

"I took the blame, please leave" he was crying

I held his hand and this time he didnt recoil at my touch , we cried together . I left once he fell asleep, I kissed his forehead before leaving.

This was both of our faults but only Reiner had taken the blame, would father had done the same to me?

When he left father said that Reiner wouldnt be coming back at all until he was healed, I was expecting it to be a few months since the wounds in his back were pretty deep. I wrote to him every week without a response, but that didnt stop me from writing to him.

five long years passed without a word from my brother, my birthday was weeks away when father asked me to come to his office. He needed my opinion on something important.


	3. 3

I was excited about father calling me into his office, maybe he would throw a big birthday party for me where Reiner would be back at home and we would all be together again. But I guess I was still too much of a child back then, when I walked into his office that day all I saw was the most bile wanted man in the land.

"Father why is this man sitting drinking tea with you?" I forgot all about manners, I was so shocked and revolted by seeing this man casually talking to my father in his sitting area.

"is that how you talk to guests?!" the sound of his voice turning my stomach

"you are a criminal! you have committed horrible acts!" I turned to face my father , looking for an explanation

"please sit" he said indicating to a seat next to him, my blood was boiling but I regained my composure if my father was having this man sit with him there must be a good reason " I see you are well aware of the Ackermans"

"everyone knows what type of people they are" I spat out

"well theres another side to the popular stories out there" father said calmly " Kenny Ackerman here was once protector of the King"

"yes we are all aware of the lies" I rolled my eyes, I knew father hated my childish attitude at times so i started to pinch my legs to focus on something else other than opening my mouth.

the man laughed a deep laugh, which only made me angrier at his presence

"she is a feisty one!" he said

"He is here to offer a deal" my father looked at me , but I knew that he was expecting me to listen not to answer back " He has offered his niece and nephews hand in marriage to certain members close to the queen and to turn over all of his accomplices , serving a few years in jail to pay for his mistakes"

"I said nothing of jail" kenny folded his arms over his chest

"We havent even accepted your offers for marriage , you have nothing to bargain with" father said coolly 

"im giving you everyone who works for me" I could see him getting agitated " what else do you want?"

"You in jail, it would only help you prove that you have truly _changed_ " my father leaned back into the small sofa , I knew this meant he wasnt going to give in to whatever this man was asking of him, what he wanted of me.

"those are the conditions I have to even consider your offer, since we have more to lose from this" a small smile crept on his face

"All I want is for the Ackerman name to be cleared like Uri said"

"He was the old king, Queen historia has been in power for many years. What makes you think she will accept your offer"

"we all know you hold all the power, the queen is just for show"

"Even if that was true why would I put two ackermans in positions of power?"

"the positions you offered arent even that great, but marrying into good families will help bring back our name"

"werent you the one who bloodied that name?"

"lets not act like we are all saints here" he smirked "if you dont accept we will just keep doing what we do best " He was grinning now

A long moment of awkward silence filled the room

"I have already talked to Kierstein and he has agreed to whatever I decide, but now the decision falls on her hands" my father turned to face me , suddenly I felt all eyes on me

"will you take his nephew as your husband?" my father asked

I was shocked by such an absurd question, all I could do was open and close my mouth my hands were shaking. why would I ever want to marry into the family of such a bile man

"well I guess I need to tell my men were back in business" He stood "to think of the many lives that will fall because you said no" he smiled wickedly, he was headed for the door

"wait!" I exclaimed , I turned to face my father hoping to find the answer in his eyes " he will go to jail, if i marry his nephew all of the awful things his people do will stop?"

"yes, that is the offer" was all my father said, his expression unchanged. Why would father put the countries safety in my hands, is it because he knew I would say no? but how does father know what I want, if Reiner was here would he have make him made this decision knowing that he would be the obedient son who said yes while I was the illegitimate daughter who didnt care for titles and would object to an arranged marriage. i have heard of the atrocities committed by the man standing in this room, does my father think me so heartless that I will say no when he has placed so many lives on my shoulders.

"I accept" i replied

"perfect!!! he would be glad to hear it" he walked back and sat down "now lets set this up"

"you can leave if you please " my father held my hand, I hadnt noticed how much i was shaking " I will talk with you later"

I stood and somehow made it back to my room where i just sat in bed thinking of what a huge mistake I just did.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I didnt put a time period for this, think titanic and AOT when thinking of clothing and time period.

The weeks leading up to my birthday were hectic, it was usually a small gathering for my fathers closest friends I didnt have any friends to invite since I did all my learning at home. At times like these is when I started missing Reiner more, wondering what my brother was doing was a daily thought. Now that I was engaged I had to add more people to the list attending what used to be a small private gathering, I wasnt too excited that the first time I would meet him would be in front of this many people, after the meeting with Kenny I noticed father was avoiding me all I wanted was to know who I was marrying but I guessed my decision weighed heavier on him than me. To me it wasnt the easiest decision but it was for the best, I had heard rumours about him from the maids and kitchen staff. They said he was more skilled than kenny ackerman, but I dont know if that was a good or bad thing being skilled maybe father would put him in jail also. I did hear he was young and that brought some relief, they all talked about him like a mythical creature that was rarely seen. His niece on the other hand even in the seclusion I lived in I had heard of her, she was beautiful and from what I heard she didnt like her uncle much. 

The day of the party arrived, I chose a simple dress lilac with a modest neckline. I tried to get in a few words in with father but he was great at avoiding me, I just wish he wouldnt feel so guilty about this. the first to arrive were of course fathers friends and the newly promoted captain kierstein, he had gotten promoted because of his engagement to mikasa ackerman. It must be great for him that he gets a new rank out of this, and all I get is a fiance who hardly anyone has ever seen. He is a handsome man I remember when I met him a few years ago, I made a fool of myself trying to flirt with him. How could I ever catch his eye, I was still a child , I still feel like a child.

"hello Hana" his smile always warm

"captain" i greeted him , _shes lucky,_ he kissed my hand while making eye contact making me blush

"this will be a first for both of us, meeting our future _soulmates_ " he laughed, he looked unbothered by it all . I wish I could feel the same

We talked for what felt like hours, I clung to the youngest person in the sea of fathers friends. How easy it was for him to make conversation out of nothing, he made me laugh so effortlessly. I had forgotten what this birthday dinner was really about when the room suddenly went silent, all that could be heard were the laughter of captain kierstein and me we were caught off guard we were having such a good time. At the entrance of the room stood 2 people mikasa and who I assume was Levi, he didnt look much like a criminal but his face looked kind I took a deep breath taking a small step forward but suddenly seemed frozen in place, I felt a sudden nausea until I felt someone hold my hand. captain kierstein was hooking my arm on his

"lets go together" he whispered in my ear

"thank you" was all I could say, with him beside me I wasnt so scared

"You must be mikasa" He said, greeting her the same way he had done with me earlier. I felt jealous of her, how did she get so lucky that her arranged marriage was to such a wonderful looking man

"yes" she said curtly, she looked bored. 

"thank you for coming tonight, I know the circumstances are weird for us all" I looked to the man standing beside her, he was so tall I was straining my neck just to look at him 

"we are off " captain kierstein said letting go of me and guiding mikasa to the other side of the room , leaving me in the middle of the ocean without a life vest

"I - I hope that you will enjoy the evening" my voice barely above a whisper, now that he was gone my bravery went with him

"Thank you" a small smile crossed his lips 

For days I had wondered what he would look like, but now looking at him maybe it wouldnt be so bad. 

"would you like to have a seat with me , dinner is not going to be served until later" 

"yes, that would be fine"

I guided him to an open seat by the windows, no idea as to how I should start a conversation with this complete stranger who I now had to spend the rest of my life with. 

"did you find your way here easily?" was all that came to mind

"its a big house"

"oh yes, most people get lost on the way here. its a bit secluded and hard to find"

"It was fine" he smiled at me

this was the hardest hour I had ever experienced , the small talk I tried to make wasnt as unbearable he gave short answers but he also asked a few questions. 

"Dinner will be served lets make our way to dining hall" father announced

we made our way to our assigned seats, I had spent hours trying to figure out how to place him. I thought I would regret placing him beside me but now the thought that maybe he wasnt such bad company was a good thought. It seemed proper to sit captain kierstein in front of us.

"Oh is this for Levi?" he asked when he sat down beside me

"y-yes its your seat, are you bothered by siting next to me I can place you somewhere else" i felt so flustered

"pfftt" I looked to where mikasa was, she looked like she was having trouble controlling her laughter "did... did he not tell you?"

"excuse me?" i looked at her confused

"Levi is going to be late, did you confuse this giant oaf for him?" she laughed

"I - I just assumed" I felt the shame showing in my face

"im sorry" the man beside me said " my name is bertolt hoover, I thought you knew that I was coming as a guest"

"Nnnno I - I - no one told me" I felt the tears starting to form, how could I have made a mistake like this. 

"its an easy mistake, hardly anyone knows what he looks like" captain kiersten tried to lighten the mood

"well I can tell you he looks nothing like bertolt" She was still smiling, which only made me feel worse

"I am sorry , please excuse me" I left before the tears made their way out, did I really think that it would go this easy? what would make me think that this would be alright? Reiner would make everything be effortless if he were here, but now I felt the loneliness even more. 

It took me sometime before I could go back, there was not much I could do about my eyes. This was a disaster from the start.

"I am sorry for leaving so abruptly" I kept my eyes down and took a seat

"oh theres no need" captain kierstein said "but now the real Levi is here, he didnt take the misunderstanding like mikasa and I" he laughed

Looking beside me I saw that the men next to me wasnt bertolt, an icy stare looked straight ahead. without turning his head he looked at me , an icy chill ran down my spine. All I could do was keep my head down for the rest of the dinner, was he mad? this isnt the best start.

I was so grateful when dinner was over and father called me over to send off guests, it was a great distraction. The only ones left were Mikasa , bertolt and Levi, good thing I had hardly touched my food. Looking at them standing together, there was a huge difference between him and bertolt. I didnt care much for the height difference but the way they looked, bertolt had such kind eyes and his demeanor was much nicer. For the entirety of dinner Levi had not spoken one word, even when captain kierstein tried many times to add him into conversations. If looking at a person could kill, I would of died hours ago. I wish I could act as indifferent as he is doing right now.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry , I forgot how to properly write . this is just a hot mess, but I will see it to the end because I need the idea off my head.

why should I feel bad about a simple mistake, how was I to know what he looks like. This is all a huge mess, whats to stop me from calling this off im sure father can find another bride for him why was this the only solution wouldnt it have been easier to kill kenny ackerman while he was at our home, would it have caused the rest of his criminal friends to rise up ? yes but im sure father could handle it. _why does he keep staring at me like that?!_

This is just making me angry, its not too hard to take an apology its not like I meant to offend him . Everyone else here is trying their best to make a good situation out of what we were given, even bertolt is more apologetic than him. He is just standing by the window with his arms crossed drilling daggers into my skull, is this what life with him is going to be like? I always dreamt of marrying a nice man like captain kierstein , at this point I would even marry bertolt .

_Maybe I should try to make a better apology_

"thank you all for coming tonight" fathers voice boomed , I was so fixated on _him_ i didnt realize what was going on around me

as everyone made their way out and we said our goodbyes, he made his way out without anyone noticing he had left. what else was to be expected, had I hoped for too much? does growing up in the underground mean that you have no manners? its a hard situation for both of us why is he acting like this is only hard on him, I know he was not pleased with what happened but it was a simple mistake. Making my way to my room I was ready to just sleep for days, sadly I couldnt.

"miss?" there was a knock at the door

"yes?"

"I have something here for you" 

"come in" As the maid entered I noticed a small box in her hands, _is this from Reiner?_ has he finally sent me a reply back after all these years

"We found this while cleaning tonight after the dinner" she placed the small box in my hands "it was by the window, you mustve forgotten it. good night miss" she quickly made her way out

I dont remember anyone giving me a gift tonight, the box had no note. Opening it on the inside was a small paper crane , that was all. _who could it be from?_ father is not one to give gifts, and Reiner has pretty much forgotten I exist. its a lovely gift.

A month has passed since my birthday and to try and mend things with my future husband I have invited him to lunch, dinner, a walk, Im running out of ideas but his response is always no. Asking father for help was embarrassing but he has agreed to a meeting with him, I wonder how angry he will be when he realizes that its a lie.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this one is better, sorry.

pacing the drawing room I couldnt help but wonder what his reaction would be, if he looked this irritated when we met because a small misunderstanding being brought here under a lie would only make him angrier. sweat slowly trickled down my neck, what would we even talk about. a small knock at the door

"come in" I should offer him an apology first

"what is so urgent that you needed a meeting?" his voice cold

"oh, its me" I was startled by his bluntness

"I know " was all he said, he stood by the door like he was in a hurry to leave

"I am sorry to have deceived you into a meeting with me" the cool air from the open window made the sweat in my neck feel like ice

"tsk" he looked down his muddy shoes " I knew it was you"

"Oh you did? how?" a million thoughts entered my mind

"your father told me" he looked straight into my eyes, the cold sweat running down my back " you do know he is training me so I can be his second? we have been meeting almost everyday, has he not told you this?"

i was at a loss for words, father was great at keeping things hidden.

"no , I didnt know" how shameful it felt that a stranger was spending more time with father and I had no idea 

"its his work so Im guessing he doesnt talk too much about it with you, but I have been coming here almost everyday and you havent noticed" there was a slight change in his voice

"I am sorry , having lived here for so long its easy to ignore fathers business. like you said it doesnt concern me, besides im a woman and this is all politics nothing to worry me about" All these years I have learned that a womans place is to look pretty and have no opinions, father kept me hidden in this big house at first my mind told me it was for protection but now I realize it may be shame

"why shouldnt you worry about politics? are you not concerned about what happens out there? are you that spoiled?" the way in which the words came out started building an anger inside of me

"I am spoiled" _is this how he is?_ " you are correct I have lived my life inside this house, sheltered, everything is always brought to me, teachers, hobbies, father even tried to buy me friends. always hoping to...." why should he know what I want?!

"hoping to what?"he took a step forward, the mud from his shoes leaving a mess, an eagerness in his eyes

"nothing" taking a deep breath " This is not why I wanted to meet you like this, I called you here to apologize for what happened in our first meeting"

"you already apologized" his face back to a scowl

"I know but you have been ignoring all of my requests to meet, so I thought you were still bothered by that incident" 

"I am not" his jaw clenched , _so it did bother him this much_

"again I apologize, but no one really knew what you looked like. I guess like me you were also hidden away by your uncle" maybe we are not so different

"not hidden"

"then what?" curiosity got the best of me

"more like he was scared of me"

"a murderer was scared of you?" I laughed " but you dont even look half as scary as him"

"do I have to look like him to cause fear" another step

"you only ever scowl , you dont try to join in on conversations not to mention its rude to turn down requests for dinner without an explanation. but your face is not too unkind, is looking bored the only mood you have?"

"you know I have also murdered people and committed crimes" another step

"were you told to?" _why am I not afraid of him?_ his face looked puzzled

"yes, how else would it happen" I took a step now

"did you want to ? did you know them?"

"no, it was just what I was told to do"

"is that how he raised you? to follow his every order?" was he just used? the way that people talk about him , I know he is very skilled at everything he does

he didnt answer

"I see, we are the same" another step and now we were within arms reach " you were raised to use as his weapon, I have asked a lot about you so i know he only uses you for 'special' occasions. I was raised out of duty, im sure father loves me like i love him but it was his responsibility , but I know that my being alive brought shame to his name"

I reached for his hand, warmer than I expected

"this marriage, I am still unsure as to why they needed this marriage to happen. why your uncle was so adamant about a marriage , im sure its just a plot on his part to a bigger scheme of his. If we are to do this no matter what than the least we can do is to try and not make it the worst thing. I admit that this is not how I wanted my life to be , but I have to repay my fathers kindness and to try and stop whatever is going on out there. you were correct in calling me spoiled, I only know bits and pieces of what goes on outside this house from the maids . You probably had someone already, you have lived a life completely different from mine. I accepted this marriage but knowing your uncle and how willing you are to murder for him did he also make you do this?"

his grip on my hand tightened

"I have watched you for years" huh? " I was not forced"

"what do you mean?" i now had both of his hands on mine, he avoided meeting my eyes

"my uncle made me keep an eye on you for years now, I have watched you in your garden and through your windows" A heat rose in my face

"m-my windows?" my voice almost a whisper 

"not like that !" our eyes met 

"oh , so he has been planning this for some time then" i let go of him , the warmth of his hands left a cold feeling now " do you know why he is doing this? i was sure he sent you here to kill father but its been a month and you have spent everyday with him, if it was that then you wouldve done it already"

"i dont know his plans, everyone was shocked when he told us his plans. I knew he hadnt asked me to keep an eye on you for no reason"

"how did you do it?" I sat on the sofa, motioning to him to take a seat also

"do what?" he sat across from me

"keep an eye on me, there are guards posted and im hardly ever alone"

"you have tall walls, and trees, its easy to hide" he smirked

"ha, you are right. I wonder how much you know about me, from just watching me"

"not much" his face back to a scowl

"good" i smiled " then we should spend more time together"

"what for?"

"even if its for your uncles deceitful plan, I dont wish to marry a stranger"

"people do it all the time"

"well I dont, so please whatever time you dont spend with my father , come find me" I stood " shall I expect you for dinner?"

he looked shocked "yes"


	7. 7

After that we spent a lot of time together, he was like a cat appearing out of nowhere. Somehow he always managed to find me no matter where I was, his expression hardly ever changed. He was great at keeping a deadpan expression at all times, Sometimes I would catch him with a small smile that would disappear as soon as he noticed I was watching. Learning about each other was extremely tiring, i found myself talking without being able to control myself, the feeling of wanting to tell him everything about me. Maybe because I never made any friends and it was such a change to finally have someone to talk to so freely, but no matter what I would say even when he acted like he wasnt paying attention he would show that he actually did remember everything I said.

"I found this for you in the market today" he said one day, with a small package in his hands

"oh what is it?" I felt the flush on my cheeks, a present for me . he placed the small package in my hand and walked away. He was not one to talk much. the small package contained jasmine leaves , we had found that we had one thing in common and we inadvertently used it as a way to bond with each other. He tried to change his habit of holding a tea cup after I slightly mocked him about it, after learning why my chest felt tight at how rude it was of me. After that I told him to not change anything about himself, because I wasnt changing anything about myself for him. which brought on this:

"or do you have something that bothers you about me?" I asked

"oh uh" he avoided meeting my gaze, which told me there was

"just say it"

"you never seem to leave the house" _oh that_

"I only leave the house when father has a ball at the queens or when we are invited over. I never leave, I have everything I need" i do wish I could leave, but whenever Reiner would try to take me with him to his friends father would punish him

"lets go to the market tomorrow" his expression unchanged but I could hear the eagerness in his voice

"father wont like it" of course he wouldnt, his bastard child and a criminal prancing around the town

"dont worry I'll ask"

we went to the market, it was very loud people everywhere . it was hard to walk in the uneven pathway, I had no clue about the world outside

"if your having such a problem keeping steady, you need to say so" he hooked my arm around his , I have never noticed our height difference _I should change what shoes I wear from now on,_ stopping I took my shoes off, now we were the same height

"what are you doing?!" he looked horrified

"they were bothering me" i smiled

"you cant go barefoot" he said looking around

"its fine, I prefer this" pulling him to keep walking " You know , I was born by the sea and when I was brought here i had a hard time adjusting to wearing proper clothes and shoes. father brought many teachers to tell me how to walk, eat, speak. But now that im spending more time with you , I realize that none of that is important to me"

Our relationship was more friendly, our time together was enjoyable. It had only been a few months but he had become an important part of my day, trying to get him to smile was something that i enjoyed. he liked his tea made a certain way, and I learned to make it just right for him. the holidays were coming up, thats when father would get invited to a lot of parties to which I always attended with him. was kennys big plan to get us to lower our guard around Levi , to bring him with us to the palace? He had never tried anything against the royal family , maybe that was not what he wanted.

"miss" a maid stopped me in the hall "this arrived for you"

"a letter?" _from who? I dont have anyone who writes to me_ " thank you" i said taking the letter in my hands turning it over, it was his handwriting, Reiners.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this story is very westernized.

My heart was racing after all these years of writing him he finally responded, a million thoughts , my hands were shaking. Opening the letter I was expecting him to explain what had happened to him all these years, all there was is a simple small message. 

Dear sister, 

I am coming home, I look forward to seeing you again.

Not hearing from you , hopefully you still remember me.

Reiner.

what does he mean not hearing from me? I have written to him everyday without fail, told him everything even the simplest days all of my inner thoughts. i have written over a thousand letters, and this is his first response? the letter didnt say about an arrival date, father should know.

Whenever they were not out, they were always in fathers office. for the longest time I thought father would bring Reiner back to teach him about his work and succeed him, but looking at how well they bonded over these few months I knew that Levi was more of a son to him than Reiner ever was. At first my mind was always trying to see how anything could be used for ulterior motives, but looking back marriage and a job were part of the deal. With kenny and all of his accomplices behind bars it was hard to see how any scheme would work out, it still didnt make sense on how all of this would benefit him. why else would a many like him make such a ridiculous deal if it doesnt benefit him, slowly lowering my guard around Levi these thoughts started to disappear. 

knocking at his door used to be so easy, now I get this feeling in my stomach knowing who else is going to be there

"come in" fathers booming voice could be heard clearly even through doors

"father I am sorry to disturb you" I quickly glanced over at Levi sitting opposite of father

he sighed " I had to set an hour of when you two could spend time together, its not possible to have him with you all day long. I know you have become quite close, but please unders-"

"I am not here to steal him away" I felt the blush on my face "I know the hours he has to be with you"

"then what is it?" I could tell he was trying not to smile

"this letter from Reiner arrived today" I said holding the letter towards him so he could read it but he didnt take it

"who gave that letter to you?" father said standing up, his face was calm but his eyes had a fury to them

"a - a maid" he only ever looked this way when I tried talking about Reiner "I was surprised to have finally gotten a letter from him, is it true? hes coming back?"

"yes" his jaw clenched a bit " but he wont be here for long, I have assigned him a job that will take him away not long after he arrives"

"but we havent seen him in so long shouldnt he be here for my wedd-"

"about that, we should move up your wedding. two weeks from now should work"

"sir" Levi now stood , _what is going on?_

"I should have asked you two if it was alright, but you two seem to be comfortable enough with each other. Besides the home I was preparing for you is ready, why wait" he sat down again , grabbing a handful of papers in his hands looking them over as if to say that it was all decided

"father what is going on?" was the only question that popped in my head

"you two have grown fond of each other, why wait until spring mikasa and captain kierstein are getting married in a few days"

"but that was not the plan" I said " Its true we do spend our time together but I wanted to know him better before-"

"you will be fine" his voice cold " you should prepare everything , you dont have much time now"

"yes father" defeated, there was no going against him, leaving them both I was more confused than ever about what had just happened _Damn him! he's too good_ Sometimes I forget how good he is at changing the conversation or making you feel guilty even if he was in the wrong. Theres nothing to do now but actually plan the wedding which wont be tough to do since its only us and i can use any dress , Im sure that i can find him something suitable to wear in such short notice. will Reiner be here before my wedding, theres no use in asking father since he will probably avoid the question again.

I had never paid much attention to what kind of wedding I wanted, all the books ive read always made them seem so beautiful but now that I was attending an actual wedding it looked that mikasa might have read the same books I had. There were flowers everywhere nothing was subtle, the day was sunny and beautiful to be the first days of winter the sun shone thru the windows giving the couple an ethereal glow. Her white dress was beautiful and fit her perfectly , captain kierstein looked very handsome they made such a good looking couple.

At the dinner Levi and I sat together watching the people around us dance made me a bit jealous of how great everything was going for them. Had they also spent time together to get to know each other, they seemed to be in sync with every movement.

"would you like to dance? im not very good " I smiled

"no" was all he said not taking his eyes off them

"oh , thats alright" we spent hours with light conversation, but all I could see was how happy they looked. 

How can complete strangers look so well together? Yes Levi and I were closer, he wasnt a complete stranger to me now. could I ever imagine us laughing and dancing together like they did. Ever since that day in the market I had gotten rid off all of my high heeled shoes and replaced them with simple boots even with this change I was still slightly taller than he was, but im sure he didnt even notice.

Having spent a life isolated in a huge house when all of my companions were maids, cooks, and teachers, all of them paid to make my life easy , spending my days reading, gardening or persuading the cooks to teach me how to make meals I now realize how lonely I truly was. Reiner always kept me company never having to look for him because we were always together , after he left I immersed myself in day dreaming occupying myself with hobbies.

The only thing that I had any hopes of doing was to marry , and be a good wife. Now that Levi has taught me how sheltered I was by bringing me outside , theres a change in his expression when he asks me if i have done certain things with my answer always being no. Is it disappointment? surely he had wanted someone like him, someone who was fearless , more experienced. Before I met him I had hardly set foot outside my home, I knew that being a bastard child would only hurt father keeping myself confined was the only way I could think to make people not speak ill of him. Reiner coming back will change that, he is the only one who can bring respect for father. Im sure father already has many prospective wives lined up for Reiner, did he have any decent proposals for me? When I first met jean kirstein he wasnt high ranking but my teenage self felt an infatuation for him . He was assigned to guard father and spent a lot of time at our home, I tried hard to make him notice me but all he did was smile at me and keep light conversation with me. One night I decided to ask father to please consider him for a future husband, days after he was promoted and sent away . It only reminded me that I was in position to ask for such things, he's from a good family thats how he came to be part of fathers guard. After the meeting with Kenny ackerman I was shocked at how easily everyone agreed of his marriage to mikasa, the niece of a criminal more worthy to marry a man like him than the bastard child of Erwin smith.

For years I had looked at him with adoring eyes, blushed at every slight interaction we had and now he was married and looked extremely happy. Levi and I still had a lot to learn about each other, but it feels like im putting in more effort than he is at times its very frustrating. 

"Its late" I said standing " Im getting my coat" i said walking away

is it so wrong to be jealous? I had already given up on marrying him long ago but now seeing how happy he made her, she looked so cold before, what had changed between them that made them this close. can I also have that?

"Let me take you home" he startled me

"The chauffeur is outside, theres no need" Im acting like a spoiled child

"I would feel safer if I accompany you" his face showed no affection , it never did. There were times when his expression softened but maybe I was deluding myself into thinking that a person like him could ever make me feel safe and loved, I could feel the tears forming in my eyes i had to walk away before he could see "its late and your home is far" 

he touched my shoulder and my reaction was to slap it off

"im fine" I made my way out

The days after were spent in my room sulking, I am a spoiled child after all acting this way because i want something I cant have. is it so wrong to want to be loved? Father wasnt the best at showing affection and Reiner had always held me when I was sad, was there to make me laugh, when I was scared he would make me feel safe. After he left it was hard to fall asleep without him by my side, with him and my mother always showing me love that when they were both taken away i was left empty . If I ask , could Levi learn to love me? but what is the point of asking for someone to love you, shouldnt they love you on their own.


	9. 9

"were you ill?" he was so good at hiding in plain sight

"oh you scared me" turning to look at him

"are you ?" 

"ill? no just tired, Im not used to being around big crowds" hopefully he cant see how puffy my face still is

"no , are you scared of me?" he was suddenly inches from me

"oh well... I -" my voice was shaky, before I knew it he had me pinned against a wall his breath in my ear

"did you know that I was tasked with kidnapping you not long ago" I had never been this close to him before, the warmth of his body made me dizzy his scent musky but sweet,

"what?" my head was spinning, his mouth so close to my ear 

"I watched you for months a few years ago, in the end it was called off but I learned so much about you" trying not to breathe so our chests wouldnt touch "what you like to eat, how fast you read books, the fact that you like to bake even in the hottest days... the man that makes you blush"

a chill ran down my spine "ex-excuse me?"

"I know how asked your father to marry kierstein" there was an edge to his voice " I know how he was promoted and sent away after that, but did you know how your father did that so you could marry him"

I was shaking at how angry he sounded, why was he telling me this

"they had actually agreed on your marriage weeks before you agreed to marry me, they lied to you , telling you they had already arranged mikasas and jeans marriage so you would accept you were kenny's last hope. all the other influential families had rejected the idea of their daughters marrying me"

"why?" I could feel the tears forming "why are you telling me this?"

"I saw how you looked at him while he was getting married, and how you looked at me" he backed away "you cant hide your disappointment , I know you"

"no! you dont!" the hot tears rolled down my face, a mix of emotions colliding "this... this is cruel"

"the truth?" how is it cruel?" he cocked his head to the side

"I accepted the proposal , I have accepted you" anger was winning " these past months I have wanted to get close to you, to know you, waiting for you to accept me and yes I was afraid of you at first but you always showed a different side to you at times" I was choking on my words "I liked it, I yearned for it, but I see now how mistaken I was that a person like you could be anything else but what they were born to be" 

I had to get away , my feet started moving faster and faster until I reached the sanctuary of my room. 

From inside my room I still made all the preparations for the wedding that was a week away , whether he wants to marry me or not we still had to do it. 

A knock at the door and before I could respond

"miss" the maid looked like she had ran a marathon

"yes? are you ok?" I was making my way to her

"im fine" she was catching her breath " your brother" another deep breath " is here"

"Reiner?" she nodded "where?"

"drawing room"

without thinking I made my way there.


	10. 10

By the time I arrived at the drawing room , my head was pounding my heart felt like it would explode. there he stood a giant compared to me so tall and wide, his face was stern to the point where you might call it scary but a smile soon appeared when he realized who I was.

"you havent grown" he joked making his way to me, I ran into his arms it had been too long since we last saw each other

"cant even wrap my arms around you properly" the tears flowed freely , time stood still his embrace was warm, I had missed being held like this "we have so much to talk about"

After hours of talking about little things, important things, feeling like we havent been apart for so long it was a relief to know that we still had a good connection to each other

"why did you never respond to my letters?" I finally asked

"I should ask the same" his face was stern again

"what are you saying? I wrote to you everyday. Even when there was nothing to write about , a letter was still sent everyday on my part"

"everyday?" his face serious " I wrote to you every weekend, at times I wanted to give you because there was never a response"

"I would give them to father or leave them in his study, he assured me you would get them" 

"that explains it" I was confused

"how did your last letter reach me if all the others had not?"

"it was sent with a friend, told him to make sure it was delivered into your hands. His fiancee , her sister is a maid here" 

"why would father not want us to keep in touch, it doesnt make sense, were the only family we have"

he laughed, he stopped when he saw the puzzled look on my face

"do you not remember why I was sent away?"

wracking my brain it was hard to recollect memories from back then, after seeing reiners open wounds on the bed I had buried it all deep inside and never looked back. 

"father was angry with you " was all I could recall

"do you remember why?" his eyes felt cold

"no" a shiver went down my spine

"well we have a week before your wedding, we can spend this time together and you might remember"

"do I need to?" the way he looked at me was menacing, I had always felt blame for his absence , _was I responsible for what happened to him?_

"yes, thats the only reason I came back here" there was a knock at the door

"come in" glad for the interruption 

"miss mr. ackerman is here"

_why is he here? oh, right. We had made dinner plans weeks ago to discuss wedding preparations_

"tell him im not feeling well, that ive gone to bed early"

"uh miss you see he-" he made his way into the room

"I knew you would pull this crap, get ready we leave in 10 minutes" his eyes never left mine "he is not supposed to be here" I could see him grit his teeth at the sight of Reiner

"hes my brother of course he is this is his home, _you_ cant barge into this home like you belong" The anger from earlier was coming back

" _this_ is who father chose for you? a brute with no manners? " Reiner stood, he would intimidate anyone with the way he looked but Levi didnt even flinch, on the contrary he looked bored

"your father would love to hear of your early return, should I send a message to him?" I would never get used to the murderous look that took over him at times

"then lets all go to dinner together" Reiner suggested

"no need, we are discussing wedding plans. or am I marrying you now?" he smirked

Reiners fist were turning white, I could see Levi salivating at the thought of taking down such a huge man.

"Its fine Reiner , you need to rest after such a long trip. i will see you for breakfast" I smiled up at him

"fine" he relaxed " we can spend the day together tomorrow" 

"yes, we should do that" interjected Levi, 

the thought of suggesting dinner together had crossed my mind, it would be exhausting to try to keep them from slashing each others throats all night

"I will see you tomorrow" I stood on my tiptoes to kiss Reiner on the cheek

We made it to the small restaurant we had frequented a few times together, levi liked the tea here . 

"theres no need to have these meetings about such a small wedding" there was no need, we had no friends it would mostly be staff and fathers friends

"tsk" he looked calm but I could see he was seething "youre the one who suggested this, now were here enjoy it"

Now that i see his true self, its a wonder how he was able to hide it so well. We ate in silence, when we arrived back home we didnt speak. my chest ached, all these months I really thought that the person I got to know wasnt so bad, but now I see how its going to be for us.

laying down in bed the tears began to fall again, why was this affecting me this much. the door opened which startled me, but seeing Reiner making his way to me I felt a wave of relief.

"you know you have to knock before entering a room" 

"I never did" he joked "move over"

making room for him the warmth of his body brought a calmness but there was another feeling there that I cant describe, but I soon fell asleep.


	11. 11

Making my way to breakfast the next morning, there he was.

"dont you have a job to get to?" I asked him 

"tsk" was his answer

"were not married yet, theres no need for you to be here" 

he didnt answer, Reiner joined us soon after and the mood shifted from awkward to 2 bears fighting for the last salmon.

Reiner had plans for us to spend the day together, we went to the market and walked around the town, we had a small lunch by the river . It was quite a change spending time with him but something felt out of place, maybe it was the fact that he kept following us the whole day. It was hard to ignore him when his eyes were carving a hole at the back of Reiners head, everything was fine until we were walking around the garden at home, _were the paths always this narrow? no hes just too close_ for some reason his closeness was making me uncomfortable, walking on the edge of the path my feet got caught between each other im sure he tried to reach for me but ended up pushing me into a rosebush. Levi was there before I realized what happened, he helped me get up

"what is wrong with you?!" he yelled

"Im sorry it was my fault " the words came out of me, my chest ached i had never seen this side of him . he looked shocked

"not-not you" he whispered , turning to face Reiner who looked pale "you! leave!. I will send a letter to your father today telling him you are here" He was holding my arm in his hands

"its just a few scratches, it was my fault walking on the edge like that" all color had drained from Reiner

"no" he said " I cant " he reached for my hand , a loud whack was heard

"you piece of shit!" levi was now standing between us " I said leave" 

"why would you do that?" i asked trying to make my way to my brother

"lets go" he reached for me but I yanked my hand from his

"you brat! " he swiftly proped me over his shoulder and carried me inside the house, no matter how much I struggled there was no use from a distance I could still see Reiner he looked defeated, sad. it wasnt his fault .

"the doctor, I'll get him" he said dropping me on the sofa

"theres no need" inspecting my arm it was just scratches " its not bad, there was no need to punch him it was my fault for walki-"

"why are you defending him?" his face and tone were calm but his eyes were exploding with rage

"hes my brother, and it was my fault" looking down trying to avoid his gaze, _theres blood on the floor_ looking at my arm it was impossible it was mine _his hand_ " you- your hand you're bleeding"

"huh?" he said looking at his hand "oh I made contact with his nose must be his too" _is he that angry that he doesnt feel pain?_

"lets clean it up, can you move it?" I was holding his hand in mine inspecting what kind of damage he had done, Reiner had a tough skull he once fell off the second story window reaching for a kite and he was completely fine " if you broke something we need to call a doctor for you"

"its fine" he moved his hand in mine proving nothing was broken " are you going to check on him too" looking at him now so close there was a throb in my chest, the look of longing in his eyes

_oh, so thats what this is_

realizing now why he had been acting this way since the wedding and now with Reiners return, does he feel..

"are you jealous?" he flinched "oh of course, you wouldnt. why would you this is a marriage of convenience right?" his reaction was not expected, his hand was shaking in mine and he wouldnt meet my eyes " do you like me?" He clenched his jaw, did I get it wrong?

"whats the point" he said through gritted teeth, taking his hand from mine and walking away " I see the way you look at him" these last words I could barely make out

"look at who?" he stopped " captain kierstein? is that who you mean?"

"if I ask, will you deny it?" he said looking over his shoulder

"theres been a misunderstanding" Now I see how my isolation after the wedding he misunderstood " I am not interested in jean kirstein , not anymore. at the wedding why I kept looking at him is " _why do I have to say anything, does he even feel the same_

 _"_ you wanted to be the one marrying him, theres no need for you to hide it" his voice was cold

"thats not it!" my heart was pounding "it seems like you were not listening when I said im not interested in him anymore if you would pay more attention you would know thats not why I was upset"

"then why were you crying for days after his marriage?" 

"im going to get one of the maids to help you with your hand" _whats the point in saying how I feel ,_ making my way out of the room he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him , this is the second time he has gotten this close to me, the smell of him is warm breath on my neck making the room spin

"tell me" his voice low and soft if it werent for him holding me my legs wouldve given out from under me "do you still have feelings for him?"

" Im jealous" the words finally free " of their relationship. they are in the same situation as us and yet they look so happy together, how did they manage to get so close in such little time. all we do is take walks and are cordial with each other, but we have never held hands in a loving way , you never look at me the way he looks at her. how can you? this is not something you wanted, i dont even know if you are capable of looking happy. You said that these past months the person I got to know wasnt the real you, i thought maybe that if it was there was hope for us to be happy if we tried , but now that I see it was all a lie how can we get past that. I just wanted someone to love me, as much as I love them."

there was a silence, I tried leaving but he just held me tighter. 

"do you hate being near me?" his voice a whisper

"no" my heart beating so fast " I love your company, for awhile I have thought that you did too"

before I knew it his lips were on mine, they werent soft the kiss was hard and desperate. 


	12. 12

After the kiss he apologized and left, my lips still throbbed at the sensation he had left. 

"good morning, did you not go home last night?" he was sitting at the breakfast table 

"no, I sent a letter to your father and thought it best to stay until he arrived, he did leave you in my care" he didnt look at me

"oh so thats what it is? just orders from my father?" Sitting across from him , he looked tense

"yes , well we- " 

"I apologize for yesterday" Reiner entered

"theres no need it was an accident on my part, Mr. ackerman here is the one who needs to apologize for what happened to your face" He looked shocked , our eyes met his icy look sent a shiver down my spine

"its best if you two dont spend any more time together" he said through clenched teeth

"again with that? hes my brother, we havent seen each other in so long we have a lot to talk about what makes you think you have a say in what we do?" last night felt like the person in front of me right now was a complete stranger

"you damn brat!" he banged his fist on the table " did you loose your brain when you fell off that horse!"

"what? no , wait how do you know about-"

"I know everything, I also know to keep him away!" he stood pointing at Reiner " do you not remember why he was sent away? do you have that much shit in your head!"

"stop it! I know it was my fault he was beaten and sent away" a pain in my chest, he had never spoken to me that way

"your fault?" he asked in disbelief

"yes, Reiner and I loved to play pranks on the maids and we would get in trouble a lot. That day he took the blame for me, im still not sure why father had to beat him so badly when our usual punishment was to apologize and our dessert taken away"

"do you not remember?" Reiner spoke up

"not exactly no, we used to get into so much trouble together it was hard to keep up" _why are they cornering me like this?_

" I came back for you " there was a loneliness to Reiners voice " you forgot? how could you forget? the only reason i am here its to take you with me so we can be together, thats what you wanted"

"I wanted you back with us for so many years but father wouldnt speak about you"

"you wanted me back so we could be together?" he took a few steps towards me

"yes all of us as a family, how we used to be"

"we are more than family" he inched closer to me " you love me" 

"yes of course I love you, we grew up together in this broken home we are all we had back then but now theres also " I looked to Levi

"him?! what does he have to do with us?" I could see the anger in his eyes, he was within arms reach

"hes going to be my husband in a few days, Im sure father will introduce you to someone soon enough. it may be an arran-"

"no! you have to remember, how could you forget" he grabbed my shoulders, his lips touched mine and we stumbled to the floor . Levi was on top of him blow after blow without stopping Reiners face was a bloody mess his hands trying to protect his face . The shock of it bringing a memory back that had been deeply buried inside. Reiner would hurt himself in small ways if I didnt kiss his cheek, I always thought that was his way of dealing with how lonely we were as kids. One day it escalated to him wanting to jump from a window if i didnt kiss his lips once, was that what happened? I had buried that memory so deep thinking nothing of it. Now all of his past actions made me sick, what I thought were just the whims of children all this time he had given them deeper meaning than what they were. how could I have not remembered this? how could I had possibly think that all of this was normal. its still all my fault I shouldve never given in to his requests , it always felt wrong but his injuries would escalate if i didnt. 

"stop" my voice a whisper, they were both bloodied now " stop it!"

"Youre bleeding" Levi was at my side his bloodied hands on my face, his eyes on my forehead. now i felt the warm blood trickling down my face or was it my tears? 

"why would you think that I could ever love you in that way?" I asked , Reiner was on his knees trying to stand

"we are all we have, youre just confused right now" he sounded so sure of himself

"no Reiner" the words were caught in throat " youre the one thats confused, you are my brother, whatever it is you are thinking can never happen its wrong"

"it wasnt wrong!" he stood

"it was, You- we shouldve known it was wrong. is that why father beat you so severely? why you were sent away?" 

"all I asked was for him to let me marry you, for us to be together. were not related , your not his daughter. didnt you ever wonder how you dont look anything like us?"

"thats not true, we have different mothers Reiner" how far do his delusions go

"leave , before I kill you" there was a fury in Levis voice

"you prefer a murderer over me?" Reiner took a few steps back " I will make you see the truth, and you will love me like before" 

after he had gone, a doctor was called for Levis injuries. We didnt speak.


End file.
